How to set boundaries
LISTEN IN APPLE PODCASTS | LISTEN IN SPOTIFY | LISTEN IN STITCHER
When people don’t support your growth, it can feel confusing, discouraging, and even a little hurtful — especially when those people are family or close friends. You finally start making positive changes in your life: setting boundaries, showing up on time, getting organized, eating healthier, or changing habits that no longer serve you. And instead of encouragement, you’re met with sarcasm, jokes, or comments that make you wonder if it would be easier to go back to how things used to be.
In this episode, Anna dives into why growth so often triggers pushback, what negative reactions from others are really about, and how to keep moving forward without shrinking, over-explaining, or abandoning yourself in the process.
Key Takeaways
- Understand why people often react negatively when you change for the better
- Recognize how shared identities — like the “Hot Mess Mom” — can make growth feel threatening
- Learn how self-awareness helps you navigate pushback with confidence
- Discover how to hold boundaries without guilt or over-explaining
- Feel validated for wanting more structure, clarity, and intention in your life
Why Growth Can Make Other People Uncomfortable
One of the hardest parts of personal growth is realizing that not everyone will cheer you on.
When you change, it disrupts what people are used to. Roles shift. Expectations change. And even when your growth is healthy and positive, it can make others uncomfortable — not because you’re doing something wrong, but because your change reflects something back to them.
This shows up in so many ways:
- A family member teasing you for being “so serious” about your time
- Friends making jokes when you start eating differently or drinking less
- Coworkers questioning your boundaries
- Loved ones reacting sarcastically when you stop being the flexible, always-available one
When people don’t support your growth, it’s often less about your behavior and more about the internal discomfort your change creates for them.
The “Hot Mess Mom” and Shared Identity Trap
One of the most vivid places this dynamic shows up is around shared identity — especially among women and moms.
Sometimes friendships aren’t just built on connection. They’re built on shared overwhelm.
The Hot Mess Mom identity can feel comforting:
- Everyone’s running late
- Everyone’s overwhelmed
- Everyone’s joking about forgetting something or barely holding it together
And in hard seasons, that kind of camaraderie matters.
But when overwhelm becomes the glue that holds a group together, growth can feel threatening.
When one person decides to get organized, show up on time, step off the hot mess express, or create more structure in her life, it can feel like she’s breaking an unspoken agreement. Suddenly, comments shift from “Good for you” to “Must be nice” or “I guess you’re too good for us now.”
This doesn’t mean you think you’re better than anyone else. It means the shared identity is changing — and not everyone is ready for that.
What Negative Reactions Are Really About
A key truth Anna shares in this episode is this:
People aren’t reacting to your growth — they’re reacting to what your growth reflects back to them.
When you:
- Change careers instead of staying stuck
- Start eating healthier
- Drink less or stop drinking
- Set boundaries around your time
- Move from chaos to intention
…it can unintentionally shine a light on what others aren’t ready to change themselves.
That reflection can bring up insecurity, discomfort, or even grief. And instead of naming those feelings, they often come out as jokes, sarcasm, or resistance.
Another important truth to remember: people are often more comfortable with who you were than who you’re becoming. Familiar versions of us feel safe. Growth introduces uncertainty.
Why Self-Awareness Is Everything
Not everyone experiences pushback the same way — and that’s where self-awareness comes in.
Some people can brush off comments easily and keep moving. Others feel deeply affected by how they’re perceived, especially by family or long-standing relationships. Neither response is wrong.
Understanding your personality and emotional wiring helps you navigate growth without spiraling or second-guessing yourself. Self-awareness doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think. It means you understand why you care — and you don’t let that pull you backward.
When you know yourself, you can hold your boundaries with compassion instead of guilt.
Four Truths to Remember When People Don’t Support Your Growth
To help you move forward without backtracking, Anna shares four grounding truths:
Growth Disrupts Familiar Roles and Shared Identities
When you change, roles shift. Whether you were “the hot mess,” “the fun one,” or “the flexible one,” growth forces a reset.
Sarcasm Is Often Self-Protection
Jokes and teasing usually signal discomfort, not disapproval of your worth or choices.
Boundaries Feel Personal to People Who Benefited From Your Lack of Them
Not everyone loses access — or shared chaos — gracefully.
You Don’t Need Permission to Grow
You don’t owe an explanation, defense, or debate. Growth doesn’t require consensus.
A Simple Next Step You Can Take This Week
The next time someone reacts negatively to your growth, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I uncomfortable because I’m doing something wrong — or because I’m doing something new?”
Then hold the boundary or habit without commentary. No speeches. No over-explaining. Just consistency.
People may adjust. Or they may not. But you don’t abandon yourself either way.
Episode Links and Resources
- Apply for a free time management coaching session: freetimecall.com
- Learn more about the It’s About Time Academy
Related Episodes
- Ep. 265 – The Art of Saying No: How to Hold Boundaries and Create an Intentional Life ft. Rachel Closson
- Ep. 218 – The Secret to Better Boundaries: How Clear Communication Can Radically Change the Way You Manage Your Time featuring Blair Broussard
- Ep. 213 – The Cure for Burnout: How the Right Mindset and Healthy Boundaries Can Help You Beat Burnout ft. Emily Ballesteros
Be the first to comment